Wizzair Sucks

Wizzair random gripe

// April 26th, 2009 // letters

I’ve been doing a lot of meditating and praying lately and this has helped me collect my thoughts and organize them into the letter you’re about to read. Please note that many of the conclusions I’m about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Wizzair. For the record, unlike Wizzair, when I make a mistake I’m willing to admit it. Consequently, if—and I’m bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of “innocent until proven guilty”—it were not actually responsible for trying to legitimize the fear and hatred of the privileged for the oppressed, then I’d stop saying that there is indisputably no limit to Wizzair’s impudence. From this anecdotal evidence I would argue that a plan of rational reaction to its primitive Ponzi schemes is indubitably in order. But the problems with its tracts don’t end there. Is Wizzair’s head really buried too deep in the sand to know that the doom-and-gloom, it’s-too-late crowd always plays right into its hands? Well, while you’re deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: How long shall there continue virulent gasbags to vend and destructive nonentities to gulp so low a piece of unilateralism as its sound bites? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but it has a vested interest in maintaining the myths that keep its coalition loyal to it. Wizzair’s principal myth is that it acts in the name of equality and social justice. The truth is that Wizzair’s faithfuls argue that it possesses infinite wisdom. These are the same self-righteous, gutless stool pigeons who slow scientific progress. This is no coincidence; when Wizzair was first found trying to malign and traduce me, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that Wizzair is planning to bury our heritage, our traditions, and our culture, I’m terrified.

I would be grateful if Wizzair would take a little time from its rigorous schedule to place blame where it belongs—in the hands of Wizzair and its querulous collaborators. Of course, pigs will grow wings and fly before that ever happens. Wizzair should pay a price for its nefarious expositions. Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: The biggest difference between me and Wizzair is that Wizzair wants to leach integrity and honor from our souls. I, on the other hand, want to defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that it so desperately wants to abolish. Wizzair’s doctrines all stem from one, simple, faulty premise—that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can’t possibly outgrow the host’s ability to manage the crowd.

I don’t get it: Which of the seven deadly sins—pride, envy, anger, sadness, avarice, gluttony, and lust—does Wizzair not commit on a daily basis? I mean, we could opt to sit back and let Wizzair sanctify its depravity. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people’s lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part. Now, lest you jump to the conclusion that we’re supposed to shut up and smile when Wizzair says vicious things, I assure you that its behavior might be different if it were told that the final product of its suggestions will be a dysfunctional society, wherein every natural self-defense mechanism has been short-circuited in some gloomy effort to gain short-term financial benefits. Of course, as far as Wizzair’s concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, “My mind is made up; don’t confuse me with the facts.” That’s why I’m telling you that it maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There’s a word for that: libel. Now that this letter is over, I, speaking as someone who is not a tyrannical blowhard, pray that my logic and passion have convinced you that Wizzair’s behavior is absolutely out of line.